My Miracle Medication

Let me start off this post by saying THANK YOU! Thank you to all those who read my first post and who have been super supportive about this blog! I really cant express how thankful I am for your comments and likes and little heart like thingys. (I'm never really on social media so the heart thingy is new to me)

Okay so I left you all on a cliff hanger.... that was on purpose, so that those of you who read my first one would be stuck to wonder what the crap happened to me, so it would make you read this one as well!!!! Muuaaaahhhhhhhaaahhhh.(evil laugh)
Before I start off where I left off, ha.... that sounded funny... anyway... I want to inform you that this part of my story is extremely religious/spiritual for me. So I will be talking about that A LOT, so if you are not a believer in my same religion, that's perfectly fine. I respect everyone's beliefs. I honestly do.... I just hope you will keep an open mind when you read about my experience. :) Okay?

When I started getting sober, I also started attending my LDS ward. I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that the only reason why I started going back to church was to please my family and my kids. That's the honest truth. Even though they never said... you need to go back to church.... I felt like if I started going, it would make them happy. So here I am, newly sober, harry potter tattooed sickly looking girl going to a ward where mostly old people attend. I was scared out of my mind because I thought they would take one look at me and turn their heads in disgust. But that didn't happen. In fact the opposite happened. I had all these older couples talking to me asking me questions and making me feel a little less uncomfortable. It was an odd feeling at first, because I was so used to people looking at me like a bug, a bug that needed to be squashed quickly.

So I kept going back, and week after week, I talked to more people, made new "older" friends (who by the way really do have the most hilarious stories to tell. Seriously, start talking to older people, they are AWESOME). After a month or so of going, I can say that I finally was going for myself. Not to please anyone, or make me look more holy or anything... I was going because it filled a void that I was missing.
So here I am 80ish days into sobriety, fully involved at my treatment center, going to church because I truly wanted to go, but I was still hearing voices. WHAT THE CRAP? IM DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW LORD.... WHY HAVN'T YOU HELPED ME GET RID OF THESE VOICES? That's really what I yelled... but to be honest it wasn't the word crap... ha ha.
Then I thought about it, I never asked him to help me. So what do I do? I do the obvious thing.... Pray. Now I haven't personally prayed in like 10 or so years.....So I wasn't expecting much of an answer. The next morning I hear a voice. Now this voice was different then the rest. I couldn't recognize it. Remember I said that all the voices I heard were of people I knew? So I hear this "new" voice and it said read the Book of Mormon. HA. That's what I replied back to the voice... well it was more like "..... what the heck, why would I read that. I've already gone to seminary where I'm pretty sure I read it all, what good is a book going to do to help me get rid of these voices?". After an hour argument with myself, I just brushed it off as another annoying voice telling me what to do.
So I go to church and we have a lesson on The Book of Mormon. I seriously started laughing out loud. The ward already thinks I'm weird, so this was not new for them to see, but after I laughed, I heard the voice again "Read the Book of Mormon". Again, I brushed it off as an annoying voice and went about my day.
A few days pass by, after many arguments and discussions with myself (I did this a lot because the voices would say these horrible lies about me, or people I loved and I felt like I needed to defend myself and the other people they were talking about) I got bored with arguing the same argue over and over again and that's when I saw my scriptures on the ground. What the heck why not. So I start reading.

I read them every day for a week. It wasn't until I was driving home from class that I noticed it. I turned down my stereo (it was always super loud to drown out the voices). Nothing. I heard NOTHING. Almost in tears I thought to myself, what have I been doing differently that could have made this happen. The only thing I have been doing differently was reading the Book of Mormon. I swear to you this is the truth. So I called up my mom, frantic in excitement telling her that I haven't heard voices in a week and I'm pretty sure its because I started to read the Book of Mormon. I'm pretty sure she started to cry. Or maybe that was just me.... I don't know, someone was crying. I told everyone what had happened. A lot of people who were not LDS, didn't believe me. It wasn't until one of them noticed something different in me. Maybe it was the fact I wasn't walking around talking to myself anymore, or maybe it was just this "light" about me (I'm quoting someone that said that, once again, I'm not trying to act like I'm holier then anyone). Needless to say they told everyone else what they had noticed, and then they finally believed me.  

My Miracle Medication. The Book of Mormon.
Now I'm not encouraging anyone to go off their meds, and to pick up the BOM or Bible in hopes to cure a disease.... please do not do that. (unless you genuinely want to read it, then go a head, I will encourage that :) )  I'm just telling you about my experience.

So that's my story. Now I promised myself that I would be honest in this blog, bold and blunt.  I'm not totally without the voices. But the frequency of them are at a very low muffle. Instead of having to rely on my husband to help me figure out if what I was hearing was real or not, I now only hear voices when I'm about to go to sleep. And they are so quiet, that if I do hear them, I know the difference between reality and non-reality. (no more running out side to help imaginary people) lol.

I titled my blog, It's All In My Head, for a good reason. These first 2 posts were to just inform you how I started hearing voices, and how I've managed to cope with them. My next posts are more of what they said to me and what they drove me to do. But my main reason for starting this blog was because I want to help inform people about addiction. Its a disease, and like any disease it can be maintained and controlled with proper medication and treatment. If you know someone who has an addiction, please don't disown them, don't judge them, and most of all NEVER stop loving them. One huge reason why I have been able to come out of my addiction has been because of the love and support of my family. I hear so many stories of women and men who have been going through their recovery and relapsing over and over again, and their reasons are all the same. They have no support. No one who loves them enough to stick through the heartache, the pain, the agony of dealing with their addiction. So my advice to anyone who has family struggling with this addiction, or any addiction.... Stick by them. Make sure they know you love them. It could make the difference from them staying sober to them overdosing because they think they have no one who would care if they died.
That's my spill...Ill get of my "soap box" now. Although I cant promise that Ill never bring it up again in another post. I'm just super passionate about it. 

Stay tuned for my next post, its going to be a super touchy subject with most people. But once again, I'm just telling you my story and how this effected me.

Next Post: Master of Death x3