Show Your Strength, Be The Light, and Respond In Faith!

And I'm BACK! Already with something new to talk about! Woohoo! The exciting life of Mallory returns. Actually this is something I have wanted to post since Oct 12th, the day I was able to go through the temple, but I just haven't found the right words to express it.......
UNTIL NOW!
PS..... I so I totally just read through this.... and its a little scatter brained.... ha ha ha. So I jump around a lot about different things..... so I apologize in advance!

This was the day I received my endowment! 

Oct 12th 2017

Yesterday I had a conversation with one of my coworkers, and she mentioned to me that she really appreciated how open and honest I was on my blog, and how "strong" she thought I was. She mentioned this a few time during the conversation actually......"you are so incredibly strong". And she is not the only one to mention this to me. "Wow Mal, you are so strong!"

Strong? I honestly don't think of my self as a "strong" person. Well..... at least not physically..... in ANY WAY.... (although I do plan on starting Cross Fit Helo in West Jordan starting next week! woohoo!) Mentally strong? HA! I literally started this blog because of my drug induced psychosis.... which is still effecting me even though I've been clean for almost year now..... 353 days to be exact. It wasn't until the end of the conversation I had with my friend that I realized what kind of strength I had.

After she had mentioned how strong I was for like the 3rd time, I totally interrupted her and blurted out "if it wasn't for the gospel, I would never have made through this year".

Then I had a total *DUH* moment in my head.
I AM SPIRITUALLY STRONG!!!!!!

Over the past year, I have been through a lot. Not just in my sobriety, but mentally, physically, and most of all spiritually.( A very huge example of this was explained in a video I made and posted *super emotional and really embarrassing* 2 posts ago about all the temptations I was having right before going through the temple). All of these trials or temptations I've had this last past year have made me a stronger person. But let me tell you this...... I would have never been able to overcome or move past these things if I was not spiritually strong.

Now I cant quote scripture very well, and I certainly could NEVER teach a gospel doctrine class, I would probably even struggle through a primary lesson.... lol. That's not what I mean by being spiritually strong.....and its hard for me to explain how I see myself as being spiritually strong.... so I will give you an example that happened to me recently......

During my treatment at Valley, we are given assignments to work on that help express our feeling and issues into why we started using drugs in the first place. On multiple assignments there's always a question saying something like "if (blank) happens, this could cause me to relapse". Well I would always say the same thing in every assignment. Mostly because if this "thing" were to ever happen, I could totally see my self relapsing. I would love to say I wouldn't relapse..... but for some reason, this "thing", I thought, would cause me to.

Well towards the end of October...... this "thing" happened. The one "thing" I said that if it were to EVER happen, I would probably relapse.

After I found out about this "thing" happening..... guess what my first thought was? I really want to pray right now (in my head I knew that I could turn to my savior and he would help me with this pain and grief)...... WHAT??????? Crazy right..... here it had been almost a year of thinking that if this "thing" happened I would just automatically want to go use. But no..... that's not what I thought of. My first instinct was to pray. After I did that..... whatever thoughts or ideas I had about relapsing would leave my head as soon as they entered it. It was seriously a miracle.

It wasn't my own personal strength/will power that got me through this. I've already explained to you that mentally....I'm not all there.... and physically..... well..... I'm a little TOO much there, if you get what I mean (ha ha ha .... made my self laugh pretty good on that one) (that's why I'm starting Cross Fit Helo)

It was my spiritual strength that got me through this. It was knowing that my savior has experienced this same exact feelings, and knows how to help me get through them.
I can honestly say that if I were not for the Gospel, I would have relapsed. Because of this gospel I have been made strong. I have overcame things I could NEVER see myself overcoming. Because of this gospel, and the atonement of Jesus Christ, I know with out a doubt in my mind that I can overcome my trials and temptations. I literally am living proof of it.

*Side Note*
So this summer, I was helping at some summer camps, and some of the little kids asked me "Miss Mallory, are you LDS?"
(Now looking at me, that's not really the first thing people think about me.... because of my tattoos and gauges....at least that's what I thought)
I responded "Yes, I am, How did you know?"
I will never forget what they said to me....... "we can just tell, there's a light about you"
SPIRITUALLY STRONG PEOPLE...... I was LITERALLY GLOWING in the spirit that day! lol
Totally random I know... but this just popped into my head while I was writing this post, and I had to share it because I was Spiritually Strong then, I just didn't know it or realize it until now.
*end of side note*

Also, the Lord has a plan for us. He is very organized. This "thing" that happened recently in my life, could have happened ANY TIME this past year.... but no..... it happened AFTER I went through the Temple, it happened AFTER I gained a strong testimony. It happened when I realized how STRONG I really was.....

“The Lord has given us agency, the right and the responsibility to decide. He tests us by allowing us to be challenged. He assures us that He will not suffer us to be tempted beyond our ability to withstand. But we must understand that great challenges make great men. We don’t seek tribulation, but if we respond in faith, the Lord strengthens us.” -Dennis E. Simmons 2004 General Conference

If we respond in Faith, the Lord strengthens us. Oh I love that.....I'm going to type it again....

If we respond in FAITH, the Lord STRENGTHENS us! (made it a little bigger so you can understand how important it is..... lol)
That's what I did.... when I had a problem the first instinct was to turn to my Heavenly Father and my Savior, and it strengthened me.

Spiritually Strong to me means having your full trust in the lord, having faith that no matter what happens, he will be there to help you. I believe you are as strong as your Faith..... so if you are feeling weak.... or not as strong as you think you should be.... turn to our Heavenly Father and talk to him.... he is ALWAYS there to help, but you need to have the faith that he WILL help.

So I know this post has gotten a little long..... but I do want to end with a suggestion..... or we can call it a challenge.

Light The World: 25 Days of Service starts December 1st. One of the best ways (in my opinion) to be Spiritually Strong is to serve. When we serve others we are following the example of Jesus Christ and doing as he did. I challenge you to take part in this 25 days of service. You would be so surprised how much good a simple act of service can do. How much strength you can gain from helping and serving others. Show your strength, be the light, and always respond in faith!

She's my MOM and she's CRAZY!!!!!

Well Hello World!
It's been a long time since I have posted! I have been super busy with work and life..... but I had a little down time this week, because of Thanksgiving, so I thought it was time to finally post all the crazy thoughts going through my head recently.

I'm just going to jump right into what has been bothering me for the last few weeks.....

So Ethan came home from school on Friday, about 2 weeks ago, and I could tell he had been crying. So I asked him what was up, and he said he has been getting bullied at school.
UMMMMM WHAT???????

Yeah, so apparently this girl, who is in his grade, has been teasing him.......

So I ask him what she said, his response killed me...
"She's making fun of me because she knows that you and daddy were drug addicts"
*literally felt like a knife to the heart*

I honestly sat there in silence for a few minutes. I didn't know what to say to him.
After the initial shock, I asked him to tell me the story of how this came about.

He was at lunch and this girl was teasing one of his good friends. So Ethan, being the kind soul he is, asked her to stop being rude to his friend. So she turned on him. Some how she knew that Russ and I were addicts in recovery and started to say that we chose drugs over him and that's why he had to live with his grandma. She went on telling him how "sad" his life is and that he will probably have to move again because we were such bad parents.......

O M GOODNESS........ *seriously at this point in the story I was contemplating whether or not I could afford another charge on my record.... is punching a 5th grader a felony?*

She proceeded to make fun of him, and then told him that she was going to tell everyone his "families secret."

So he's sobbing to me, "I'm sorry mom, I don't know how she found out."

WHAT THE CRAP!!!!!! How do I respond to this? My kid is getting made fun of for something I DID...... he's just the innocent party in this whole situation. This is the only thing I could think of to say..... I hope I said the right thing.

This was my response
"Ethan, its not a secret that your dad and I did drugs. I never want it to be a secret, do you know why?"
He asked why?
I told him that not very many kids who are in the situation that he and Izzi were in, get to go live back with their parents. I told him that he should be proud that his dad and I worked so dang hard to get them back. He was that special that his father and I are beating a disease to get him back. How many kids can say that?

Ethan starts sobbing more, and runs to me and tells me he loves me....and now I'm sobbing as well......
So I told him that if she goes at him again, to keep his head up high and say "yeah my parents were addicts, and they did what most addicts cant do. They are beating their disease and got us back"

The title of the post..... So funny. This is how awesome my son is.....
We were watching Stranger Things, *SPOILER ALERT* and the part were 11 saves mike from the cliff jump.... and the toothless kids yells to the bullies "That's right, she's our Friend and She's CRAZY".....
Ethan sits up and was like "Can I say that?"
*really confused look from me*
"To that girl, if she bothers me again.... can I just say She's My MOM and She's CRAZY!!!"
Yes, son..... that is totally fine. Say that!

Seriously I have the BEST SON EVER!

So its now been about 2 weeks since that happened. Its been bothering me a lot because I mean, kids are going to get bullied, its a sad truth, but it is the truth. But when they get bullied for what their parents have done. I honestly never expected that. So then I started thinking.......
Have I been to honest about my life? Was starting this blog really a good thing? Did I not think of how it could effect my kids?
That's what I have been struggling with for the last little while, and why I haven't posted.

But then I remembered reading all the responses that the Wasatch High School seniors wrote about me when I went and spoke to them about my life.
Here is what some of them said!

Mallory was amazing! Her story is incredible and eye opening. • She showed me a whole new world I didn’t know anything about. • I was so surprised to see her. I was expecting someone who looked unhappy and miserable. In place of my assumptions sat a person who was glowing with happiness. • If someone like Mallory who has faced agonizing struggles can find happiness, then I guess I can too. • I admire her so much. • Here she is, in the midst of fighting addiction, and she is one of the happiest people I’ve seen. She fights every single day. • I learned so much • Her brutal honesty was so refreshing • Mallory gave me hope for the future of everyone • Because of her, I can feel more empathy for my lost family members, and that really makes me happy • She showed me we can change • I felt completely comfortable asking her anything • Because of her, from now on I want to look back at what I’ve done with respect. • She made me realize that the people that truly care for you and love you will be the ones to get you through, and that is something that I’m going to hold on to for a long time. • I’ve only seen addiction from a distance, Mallory changed that. • She told us in a way that didn’t make us scared or sad but in a way that we just understood. She showed us her life. • Her story was just human. Humans make mistakes and that’s what she did. • Okay, I LOVED this presenter. • Mallory was SO GOOD. Her energy was amazing and made me feel more energetic and you can feel her passion for doing things like teaching and public speaking through her energy. • She was so open and honest with us and I really appreciated it. • Instead of just answering questions, which I love, she was there to share with us. It was so awesome to see her energy and want to show us she cares about us and wants us to know things. • Mallory Bringhurst, what a brave, enduring woman. • Mallory Bringhurst is one of the most amazing people I have ever had the opportunity to meet. Wow. I read her blog before she came, and it was so interesting and inspiring. • The most interesting thing I found from Jakob and Mallory’s presentations is both of them told us to stop trying to impress others. • I thought it was really cool how Mallory embraced her past self as someone she could learn from and be grateful for the experiences that she went through during her addiction. • I also like how she was able to find something to motivate her and pull her out of her addiction, which was seeing her husband sober. • Honestly, she left me speechless. She was so honest with us. Honestly though, what a beautiful person she is, like her inner beauty shines out and it just makes her glow.

Am I sorry I started this blog? NO
Am I worried that I'm too honest? NO
Am I worried how this could effect my kids? NO, because they know and understand NOW, how special they really are. They are worth fighting for and they are proud of Russ and I.

*the day our case was closed*

Ethan said this was his FAVORITE picture of the year! 

Oh and Ethan won 1st prize at his school for writing a poem about staying drug free...... TAKE THAT BULLY